Inside My Fortress Of Solitude

In Reply To A Brain-Damaged Caveman

2007-04-27T17:52:00.000-07:00

One of my friend's many alter egos, DumDum the caveman, arrowed me with this chain-post. Therefore out of courtesy to my friend (and not this ridiculous chain post), here is my response.

This chain-post game is like a virus from hell... rules are as follows:
"Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!"

Oh! Woe to those poor unfortunate souls who are cursed to "spread the love" just as you did. Look at all those sixes! Its unholy blasphemy, I tell you!

But without further ado, here's my 6 "I wouldn't normally tell other people about it" stuff (Damn you B!):

1) I sing and/or dance at home or in the shower, where I know no one can see me do so.

2) I have a less serious, but seemingly bipolar condition. Some days I'm high, other days I feel like crap. (fyi i'm having a happy day today)

3) People know that I love food, and that I eat a lot. But it's a habit for me to clear my plate. I feel weird and uncomfortable if I don't clear my plate. And I feel a bit sad for the leftover food in other people's plates.

4) I have romantic fantasies that I wish to fulfill in my life *blush*

5) When hearing what people's opinion are of me, I can take the negative opinions but I find the good things people say about me hard to swallow.

6) I function better in warmer weather. And I have an absolutely horrible tolerance to cold.

There it is. Now for those unfortunates who will be named. I refuse to keep up with this whole number six thing, so here are 3 people whom I will arrow. You guys know I still love you right?

- A. Punk =D
- Debs!
- Dom!

Have fun =D

Déjà Vu?

2007-04-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted something. Been pretty busy with tests/assignments/social life. As well as thinking of something to post up next.

Well wait no further friends, for now I have a something to spill. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether to classify it under non-fiction or science fiction... =p

Well I would have had forgotten it if I didn't get an "attack" recently. You see... There are rare times when I just dream about a situation, a scene, or event that transpires that involves me. And it seems so ordinary and mundane that I don't remember it when I wake up the following day. And I'll keep on being oblivious to the dream that transpired until the event/situation actually happens in real life. And then I'll suddenly get this Déjà Vu feeling, coupled with a recollection that I dreamt of the situation before... Strange huh? I don't know what to call it. Divination? Premonition? Well at least it doesn't interfere with my life, since I don't remember or forsee the situation until it actually happens.

Well this recent "event" was on the day I attended a buddist fair in Perth with 3 other friends of mine. In the evening there was a fireworks show. And at the point when the fireworks show ended. The scene that played before my eyes just triggered my Déjà Vu feeling, twice. I remembered looking down from the sky and around the surrounding open field (trigger 1) while listening my guy friend of mine comment on the fireworks. And the words that he used just made me look at him, as I felt that I heard the same thing before (trigger 2).

I wonder how to feel about these incidents. It sounds kinda freaky, but strangely I'm not bothered. To me, these "Déjà Vus" give me a strange sense of peace and assurance. Kinda like what was supposed to happen happened... though I'm sure this will spark a whole debate with certain friends of mine regarding the fact that the future is not written in stone... but don't ruin my moment! :p

No one better ask me for 4D or TOTO numbers after this...

Till the Holidays Then...

2007-04-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

I just bid goodbye to a good brother of mine who came over to Perth for the holidays. Even though we both had our own fair share for problems when we met up. Just being able to share our burdens with each other made the time we spent all the more meaningful.

Thats not to say we didn't have fun times as well. Meeting up with old pals at various pubs and just chilling out... I think I learnt something new on a whole new level on what it's like to just enjoy the company of a friend for what it brings.

So here I am in my room, missing his company already. And contrary to what I told him about the effects of listening to soppy, sad music when he's feeling moody... I now find myself unable to follow the advice I give. So here I am blasting the song that he was playing non-stop for the past few days...among other similar soppy songs...

On another note... It's been a while since I received any comments. U guys should do so soon, like asap... or I'll start to feel like no one actually reads this. And I'll be upset... When I'm upset enough... I'll unleash the killer bunnies, like I did on the poor guy below. =D

So comment yah? *grin*

Morbidness Strikes Again... Unexpectedly.

2007-04-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Came back from Casuarina Prison tired as hell. Had a good lunch with my mates, as well as driving them half-insane with my crappiness. Then I took a nap. When I woke up from the sweet dreams that I think I was having, thats when it struck...again. This sad and empty feeling. I wonder why I never noticed it earlier? Maybe I was too distracted by my assignments and too tired after that. Oh well... and I was sooo planning on enjoying myself tonight after the assignments submission. Maybe I'll postpone it to tomorrow.

"If my heart can just be stripped away, and have the loneliness inside ripped away.
The emptiness that torments me will not die, as much, as hard that I have tried.
Oh, would you understand, oh, if you could see,
You’d despair too, just like me… "

Visit to Casuarina Prison...Not What I expected

2007-04-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

After slogging till 3am to complete my assignment, I slept till 7am where I got up to print my assignment in school and submit it. With only 4 hours of sleep and full of crap (from the lack of sleep), I went down south to Casuarina Prison.

This visit is during my easter break and is a part of the curriculum for one of my units at uni. I'll skip to the interesting part now... I expected grey, drab walls in this maximum security prison, much like what Changi Prison in Singapore and Auckland Prison in New Zealand has. I also expected the prisons to all have that similar layout and feel to it. But the place was a freakin holiday resort! Lush well tended lawns with a wide assortment of flora, interspersed with pine trees. Within the prison compound, the prison was divided into blocks... kinda like what BMTC was like on Pulau Tekong. The blocks were painted a creamy beige colour as well, much like BMTC. Previously, travel between the blocks was relatively free and easy, but a riot several years made the prison management rethink it's security issues. Now each block is surrounded by a high fence. Oh, and during the riot, most of the pool tables in the prison blocks got smashed. Yes... they got to play pool!

Now on to the individual prison cells. According to the nice guard that was the "tour guide", Casuarina Prison is strict as it's the only prison in Australia to not provide television to each of the prison cells, and that the prisoners get to have a 2 week grace period to inform their families to supply them with their own tv. Each inmate is allowed to bring a maximum of 3 electronic devices into their cells, as well as an alarm clock and fan. So most of the cells have television, a Hi-Fi, as well as a game console such as a Playstation 2 or a personal computer. Modems are not allowed, so no PS3 or computers with internal modems.

Other facilities include a workshop, hospital, educational area, chapel, library, and Canteen. My accessment of the place is that the inmates there definitely have a better quality of life than the recruits in BMTC. I wouldn't mind staying for a while, but not for years as the lack of visual candy would drive me nuts. : p

Partaaayyyy! And I've Got Pics!

2007-04-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

It's my first party here in aus! woohoo! Wait...I've been here in aus for over a year already... Now this sounds a bit sad...

Ok ok, back to the topic. This party was my friend's 21st birthday celebration (well...one of her celebrations). I enjoyed it totally because:

(a) I had a hand in planning the forfeits (evil laugh), some organising, as well as helping the birthday girl in carrying out the sabo on those who weren't dressed for the occasion (thus granting me immunity from said sabos and forfeits...muahaha).

(b) It was my first ever costume party (that wasn't halloween). I was thinking of wearing a mask to cover my face but I decided against it....all in the name of good fun and being gutsy. So I had a very interesting walk along Murray street from the Central Perth Parking to Fauche (the restaurant that the party was held at) I was attracting looks and greetings as I walked down the street, as I was the most outrageously dressed person in the group at that time. A lot of people wanted to play it safe and didn't want to dress up too outrageously... oh well, more forfeits then... hehehe.

Here are some pictures for your pleasure from my digicam. Hopefully I'll be able to add more pics from other digicams later.

My housemate/friend with ermm... the birthday girl's flatmate/friend. Zorro meets Pirate.

Harry Potter/Dumbledor, Angel, and Cinderella

The official but not so realiable photographer of the event... King Arthur.

Winged ones... the 3 fairy godmothers

Birthday girl poses with her 3 Fairy Godmothers

The princess of the party with Robin Hood... who happens to have the party's guest list still tucked under his belt.

The fairy, the witch, and the princess.

Candle lanterns around the restaurant with my name on it! I found my new msn pic!

Dueling in style... with a glass of spanish red in the left, and a dagger on the right. And DJ's music grooving in the background.

Robin Hood aims...he shoots!

He scores! With the help of Tinkerbell. Captain Hook, the only other person who actually rented a costume, watches the whole scene amusingly.

A fairy godmother's wish gone wrong. My housemate gets bunnified.

Something that I learnt... that vet students love drinking till they get wasted.

At the end of the night. The birthday girl with her collection of gifts/tributes.

More to come! Hopefully...

Rant Time...

2007-04-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

I never knew such bossy people existed, but that's just a minor character flaw. What makes me so PISSED is that I'm bottling up my anger inside... unable to yell back. And so the feelings fester...

I initially had the intention of cancelling this rant post 2 sentences into typing it, because I felt that I would be able to handle it. But decided against it because it's not good to my mental health, letting my negative emotions fester like that. Better to get it out of my system. I recall occassions where I bottled things inside because I "thought I could handle it" or "It's not really bothering me". Result was a very unhappy/depressed/angry Basil. So... before things get a chance of getting out of hand this time, I'm taking preventive measures. So out it comes...

why am I pissed about? Because soandso told me in my face to shut up, in a sarcastic and not so direct way.

"excuse me i'm talking to (other person), not you."

I know it sounds small, I find it small too. But at that point in time it felt like a blow, and I had to swallow my pride and just take the blow without giving any form of rebuttal back. It kinda feels like primary school days where your teacher scolds you for talking in her class and interrupting her, but those days are long gone. Being treated in this manner feels degrading and belittling to me.

I remember a similar situation now when I was back in my church choir... I still feel angry thinking about it. It was not at choir practice, but at the dinner table at a coffee shop. This other choir member, a girl around my age, "shushed" me at the dinner table just so that she could speak. She coupled that "shushing" with an irritated and bitchy look. If that girl was in the position of being in charge of the practice and the rest of us were making too much noise, then that "shushing" she gave would have been justified. But this case was totally NOT justified...ARGH... best that it's over and done with.

Back to the present case...it was something similar in terms of treatment and the accompanied irritated/bitchy expression. I didn't like being told to shut up. I admit also because I felt embarassed in front of my other friends.

Now I'll get to why I didn't rebutt the person back...
(a) Because we all had a night of drinking and it could all just be the alcohol talking.
(b) Because I don't want to make a scene.
(c) Because I was aware that I interrupted her talking, so her telling me to shut up was justified...sort of. I agreed with WHY she did it, but not HOW she did it...
(d) Because we all just came back from a party and it would be stupid to cause a scene and destroy everyone's happy feeling.
(e) Because the party that we just came back from was this person's 21st birthday party.
(f) Because it's not the gentlemanly thing to do.

Ah well.... it's probably childish of me to go so ballistic like that over a small matter. Comments anyone?

You Lift Me Up

2007-03-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

Sounds like the title of a Westlife song, but I think proper thanks should go to 3 people who helped me up recently when I was in my down mood.

Thanks firstly to my mom, who has always been there for me in the most surprising of times. Its good to know that despite the distance between us, you always seem near enough to watch over me. You are a friend as well as a mother to me, and I honestly believe that I'll never know anybody else in this lifetime who can achieve a better standard of parenting than you have.

The other two thanks go out to B and D. Thanks B for being my oldest friend, for being my shrink when my nuts and screws start to get a little loose, and for looking out for me and making me into a better person in your own "unique" way. I say "unique" coz your methods sometimes seem strange...

And finally D. Although we lost contact for a few years. It's good to know and have that feeling that we can just pick up where we left off without feeling that we've grown apart. In fact, I feel that we've grown closer ever since talking to each other on msn again! I thank you for being the wonderful friend that you are, for your listening ear and your concern made me realise how blessed I am to have you in my life.

Seems like a very soppy moment for me... think I'll grab a tissue now.

WTF?

2007-03-14T04:41:00.000-07:00

Somehow i forgot to turn off my msn one night... Some strange garbled talk appeared on my screen when i went to check it later. (It wasn't me!)

Ahem... here it goes...Edited (in blue) for your viewing pleasure!
_____________________________________________________________

THE AMAZING MAD MONOLOGUE OF B. (aka. Trash)

B says:
poop (thats trash talk. Unsure of the translation to the English language. Most prob a sign of greeting)

B says:
oei (I'm AFK)

B just sent you a nudge. (I'm still AFK)

B says:
sleeping? (nope)

B says:
socialising? (wrong again)

B says:
sumone at ur hse visiting u? (3 strikes, you're out!)

B says:
yoohooo (still AFK)

B says:
i wanna gossip..... (so do I. Always happy to oblige except that I was AFK)

B says:
poo.... (Again, another piece of the trash language. One might suspect that it is a call for attention. Like how a hatchling calls for momma bird's attention when it's hungry)

B says:
haiz, must be some hot girl over at ur hse and u totally engrossed in it huh... (I wish...)

B says:
well... im perfectly good at monologing by myself! (After reading this once through, I totally agree with you)

B says:
i mean like, i COULD roleplay u and pretend to talk to u by myself!?!?! (From the caps in "COULD", as well as the "?!?!?!" at the end, I take it that you don't really want to roleplay me. Possibly coz it might drive you insane)

B says:
(lols this is just such good material for u to paste on ur blog, maybe u could name it the madness of B) (Your wish is my command... Name has been changed to protect the identity)

B says:
(hahah nvm sorrie im high, just blabbering on, u noe how i get after encounters with "C" ...)

Of course I do, you're cold one moment and hot the next. If u don't get a regular dosage of your "vitamin C". You'll be down in the dumps. Once you've taken it, you're on Cloud 9.

To the other readers, this part of the conversation may sound somewhat illegal, but let me clear your doubts and get it in the open that I am NOT pushing drugs to "B", ok? "C" is a girl, and her name has been edited to protect her identity, the identity of "B"... as well as my health.

B says:
(she is like bonus xp to me, like wyverns all tied up ready to be coup de graded for freee xp, like a rust monster chasing a metal clad paladin, like... *voice trails away....* nitey nite!)

(All those D&D analogies. Clearly he's still high... i wonder what happened?)
_________________________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed reading it.

On an end note, I leave you with this D&D joke that I heard today:
"Your mom's so fat, that when she casts "Hold Person", she just has to sit."

Thank you =p

Banging My Head In

2007-03-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days. Some of my close friends may have seen me in this state. Its a day where I feel that I'm mentally unstable. Where I hardly talk and have hints of a depressed look on my face. Part of me feels like a recluse... not wanting to interact with people and totally avoiding the possiblity of getting to know new people. The other part of me is destructive... Where I just start to get feelings of anger and feel the need to lash out and just trash something, or someone...

Most of the time there is usually a problem or reason behind me feeling this way. But more often than not I am unable to identify it. But when it starts to happen, the reclusive part of my mood surfaces first. The destructive part usually surfaces later...

Heh... I actually thought I'd end up talking more about this, but I'm just not in the mood today to do so...

Did I Ever Mention That I Like Dance Scenes?

2007-03-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

In movies where the male and female lead are on the dance floor in the middle of a party, doing a fantasticly choreographed number with other dancers. Hmm... actually, that applies to Bollywood films as well... but they lack a certain "coolness" factor. Good entertainment though. Here are some examples:

The party scene from "Knight's Tale", with Heath Ledger and Shannyn Sossamon.

But here's a better example, more professional dancers and higher on the hawtness factor. We have Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan in "Step Up"

And guess what! It's not complete without a Bollywood example. And here it is!

Aishwarya Rai is pretty as ever. Note the indian dance rule: "Frequent changing of clothing in the middle of the dance" applies here. She has 4 different outfits throughout the video! Imagine that!

Okay okay... that last video was just to disturb you. But u did enjoy them right?

Warhammer Online Trailer Clip

2007-03-07T05:10:00.000-08:00

The brotherhood has plans to invade the Warhammer World when this MMORPG comes up. Hopefully we'll all have the time. Hopefully I can keep a rein on my sanity and maintain my social life this time.

But come on, you have to admit that dark elf women in scantily clad leather outfits are hawt! No? And splat goes the ork... Enjoy!

Make Way Brothers Grimm!

2007-03-07T04:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks goes to Damo for sending me this entertaining WoW (World of Warcraft) clip. Enjoy!

Clips like these just bring back good memories...

Phone Sex for Geeks

2007-03-07T04:40:00.000-08:00

One hell of a funny video. I laughed like crazy over the one on the Dungeon Master. Really warped way of seeing D&D.

Phone Sex for Geeks

Whats With the Fortress?

2007-03-06T23:32:00.000-08:00

To continue from my first posting, where I was explaining about the reason behind the nick. Now I move on to my blog's title. Doesn't it sound "Supermanish"? I view the fortress of solitude as a place where Superman went to when he needed to be alone to reflect, to discover about himself . I also see it as a sanctuary... a place where Superman can be totally open and himself. Without hiding behind a disguise of Clark Kent.

Of course I'm no Superman, but I find the concept of the Fortress ideal. And I think everyone needs a place that they can call their own personal Fortress of Solitude.

My Very First Posting

2007-03-06T04:30:00.000-08:00

Hello guys and gals. I have now officially joined countless others in taking up web space on the Internet. Some of you may have seen/felt my reluctance at getting a blog started as I've given reasons like "a blog takes up too much time" or "I'm the sort of person that rather keeps to himself. Irregardless of the reasons i gave then... I find myself seated in front of my laptop now at 3.30am in the morning typing my first post. Maybe the tiredness has driven me mental, maybe I'm possessed...ok ok kidding about the possessed bit. But I am tired...wouldn't you be at 3.30am in the morning? On top of that I had a long Monday starting with a lecture at 8.30am. Thank goodness I stay near uni now. But I still have problems with dragging my feet out of bed in the mornings.

Tired people tend to talk cock more, as proven in army days as well as in police interrogations. So apologies to readers who find me ranting or going off tangent. I would like to say that a contributing factor to me starting a blog (apart from the tiredness factor), would be my friend Dom. He told me that a blog is for keeping people who care about you informed about your life. Although I answered him "that's what a phone is for", there is a certain convenience about mass posting. Also, in typing out my thoughts and feelings, I get to read and reflect on myself on a deeper level. Which is something that i actually avoid sometimes, especially if i know that it's bad...

Ju and Ben would recognise the nick "purple turtle" from a cocktail of similar name that we had at a chill out place. Told you guys I'd end up using it. I like the sound of it, it sounds cute. I also said it suits me in certain ways. For one, I like the colour purple. (though I'm still trying to come to terms with plucking up the courage to wear something purple) As for the turtle... certain friends of mine would happily say that it's cause I'm slow/pentium I/or just plain sua gu (mountain turtle). I see it more from a realisation of a part of me on how I (or my brain) dealt with bad events/situations/experiences when i was younger...due to my "exciting" early school life. In short, I've somehow repressed a lot of those memories that I can't remember them now, apart from a few key events that I still remember with clarity. In relation to a turtle, its like a turtle that ducks inside its shell to avoid danger or injury. That's how I feel my mind has been working. I think I've come a long way since then. True, sometimes i still find myself applying the turtle shell defence. But I've been opening up my mind to come to terms/deal with a lot of other bad stuff.

Ok, here's where i sign off. Tired as hell now and it's almost 4.30am. Got quite a day ahead of me plus D&D with the boys at UWA later at 5pm... Hopefully I won't find myself stranded late at night in one of the bus stations again. Will update soon I think.